We celebrated 15 years of marriage this past week. 15 YEARS, people!
There were many times (especially around year 5-6) when I never thought we’d make it. It was just too hard — and I threatened to leave many times.
There are still days when it isn’t easy. In fact, on one of those days recently, I told a good friend, “I love my husband so much, I just don’t like him very much right now.”
Love isn’t about how you feel or how he makes you feel. Love is a choice. It’s getting up every day — on the good days and on the rough days — and saying, “I choose you.”
Jesse, I didn’t know the wild ride I was in for when I married you at 21. I couldn’t have dreamed of some of the high highs and low lows we’d experience. I couldn’t have imagined how challenging and yet how amazing marriage would be. Thank you for sticking with me, believing in me, never giving up on me, and always choosing me. Thank you for being my very best friend and loving me on my best days and my worst days. I chose you on our wedding day and I still choose you today. I love you! ❤️
Jesse and I were privileged to get to go to this Meeting of the Masters evening event and morning mastermind put on by the folks from the Ziglar team. We got to hear from Zig Ziglar’s son, from Kevin Harrington (one of the original sharks on Shark Tank), and Michael Jr. (he’s a comedian who packs a punch — we laughed until we cried and also felt invigorated to use our lives well).
At the Mastermind, we all went around and shared the one thing we want to accomplish in 2018. (Mine? To invest in the lives of women in my local community in 2018 and build more intentional face-to-face relationships.)
It was moving, stirring, and very inspiring and we were honored to get to be there. One of the beautiful souls I loved meeting there was Lady J.
The first two days of this past week, I was kind of a hot mess. I felt high strung, frazzled, overwhelmed, and irritated.
And my attitude seeped out to pretty much everyone close to me. I snipped at my kids. I yelled at Jesse. I got frustrated at one of my employees.
I realized that I didn’t have grace to extend to others because I wasn’t accepting the grace God was extending to me.
I was feeling like I needed to control every little thing in my life — and it wasn’t working. And I was beating myself up for it and feeling guilt and shame about it. This translated into all the stress I was feeling.
So I gave up — on trying to micromanage and instead let myself rest in the grace my Heavenly Father was extending to me.
Let me tell you, fully resting there made me breathe a big sigh of relief and I’ve been a whole lot happier as a wife and mom and employer since then.
“Lord, let me rest in your abundant grace today — in the middle of the real and raw and messy and interruptions of everyday life. Let me relinquish my need to control all the details to You, the Ultimate Controller of all things. Let me accept Your invitation to rest in Your abundant love for me. Let me soak in your grace and let it seep out to everyone I come in contact with today.”
2018 Goals Update
1. Read 100 non-self-help books that will build me up/encourage me/inspire me/recharge me. (Fiction/story-driven/biographies/inspirational living books/devotionals.) See the list of 44 books I plan to read this year.
**Progress: 3 books read so far (look for a book update coming tomorrow)
2. Read through the entire Bible.
**Progress: I’m using the Robert Murray M’Cheyne plan and am on Day 14 — yay!
3. Write one handwritten note to someone every week.
**Progress: 3 notes written this past week
4. Run 500 miles.
**Progress: 20.5 miles run so far
5. Go on an overnight trip with Jesse without the kids.
6. Read 10 books aloud with the kids.
7. Take the kids to South Africa.
8. Go on a family road trip.
9. Save up to pay cash to finish off an office for me and workout room for Jesse and me in the basement in our new house.
10. Replenish our Emergency Fund (we dipped into it to replace my car when it got totaled because of the carpet beetle infestation.)
11. Increase our gross income from the business by 8%.
12. Launch 5 new courses.
**Progress: 4 Weeks to a More Productive Life launched this in January and we’re currently working on finishing Content Creation 101 — a new YourBloggingUniversity course!